You always hear the words "stay positive" multiple times throughout life, yet sometimes it's just hard. When you tell these words to someone else to console them, it comes out so naturally, so easily. These words almost flow out of your mouth like water from a faucet, yet when the situation comes for these words to be told to you, it's not as easy taking it in.
When I try to think positively about this rejection, it just doesn't work. I feel like I didn't deserve the rejection, and then I contradict myself and believe I did, but the fact that pretty much everyone except the two of us made the cut kinda annoys the crap out of me. Not the fact that they made it (because I know I didn't do too well) but the fact that this always happens.
When will it finally be my time? When will I finally be noticed? I realize that I haven't been working as hard at this dream, but sometimes I feel that my hard work that I have put in is getting me nowhere. I don't want to give up on this dream, but it feels like I'm going nowhere. Time after time, this is the same result. Nothing ever changes.
I mean, I know I've improved in the past year that I started dancing, but not enough. Then again, what is enough? You'll never reach perfection as a dancer. You'll keep getting better, but you'll never be perfect. I know that, I really do, but why is it so hard for me to accept this rejection?
Why do I have such a sensitive mind? Why can't I just learn from this? This one thought is going to haunt me for the next two weeks..what a way to start off the New Year.
I'm really trying to let this not bother me, but I can't help it. It's hard. The most annoying part being that out of 17 people, 15 were selected, and I was definitely one of the two that didn't make it.
I really need to train myself psychologically to take rejection. I hate being so sensitive. It's getting harder to feign that I'm a strong individual..I guess I'm really not.
As a New Years Resolution, I want to be able to take this experience of rejection and turn it into success. I want to better myself. I really mean it this time. I'm tired of hiding in the back. It's time I finally came out.
It's about time that I started believing in myself.
